Okay, so what do ya’ll do when Tarot Deck starts to answer you back and give you lip?
Well, thats precisely what happened during the previous training session with my Hairy Pagan Friend (HPF). Just to throw me off kilter a bit as often occult teachers like to do, HPF decided that we’d basically “cast” the cards. Now I won’t say I’d never heard of this but that most readers tend to hold cards as divine and untouchable by the profane so throwing them out one by one to interpret how they fell and which side up seemed sacrilegious to me.
I’m skipping ahead because the ambience was created when he asked me to offer one word interpretations and my brain went bursting to grab all the symbolism and all the personalised interpretations and then… </brain-fart>! Seriously, I had nothing and not just once but several times! Noting my glossed over look he changed tact and took matters into his own hands by asking the Deck itself, holding it close to his ear so he could hear and asked it a question. The Deck answered with some glib remark about paying for what you get (it was a Thoth Deck for €1 in a previously-loved shop) but he proceeded to argue with it saying we needed more specifics, then it answered back by saying, “You’re not holding me up to the right ear are you!?!” – this was more literal than you might at first suspect since HPF has bad hearing in the right ear – and from there the mocking from the Deck was without mercy!
Basically we have a Thoth Deck being bitchy and it was so much fun! Better than any drag queen I know in fact! lol As we progressed and bossed the deck about pressing for more insights into various courses of action something about the bitchy-queen humour my friend and I seemed to exuberate was dawning on me. I posted some time ago about persona and performance under, Names, Mottoes & Drag, about shifting persona’s for magical aims and parrallels I’d witnessed in performers and on the LGBT scene… here I was watching it play out subtly in my HPF first off and then later me. I shed my skin of reverence for the deck and began to let it speak honestly and without escort. In short I was not babysitting myself nor HPF – there simply was no time.
Now, I must concede I do find that often in a reading I tend to become very wordy and verbose (nice word eh?!) and occasionally I’ve found that this is causes problems as people see me second guess myself. Its the feeling that I’ve never really understood were they more sensitive information comes from and so used to ignore it or let it pass as an exercise in fantasy. At least thats how it would happen until what I felt or feared would come to pass. These days I’m much better with public readings since I have guides and contacts and always prepare space when I’m using it. For this Training Day with HPF I didn’t use guides or such – just good old fashioned personal insight and faith. Since we just had one word and had an entire deck to get through while casting it there was less chance to bull using words.
So, lets recap; there were no guides or contacts, there was no dressing the part to perform as a reader or some such. There was a rawness to the honesty of our answers that allowed our inner voices to don the persona of catty or sarcastic sod. Upon reflection I’d could see the idea behind working skyclad versus robed. Skyclad there is a scaling back to the raw, honest components, whereas, the with robes there is a deliberate building up of a magical persona. Two different styles and approaches to accomplish the work of magic. Sneeky… HPF! We agreed to Tarot Training not deeper stuff forcing me to use my brain!
So what did the cards say?
Basically that I need to take the plunge and develop my training in a certain direction. I had asked where to next on my spiritual/magical journey. I was also feeling insecure around how to manifest this utopian future the cards seemed to be VERY insistent that I would have. Between finances being essentially shit since graduating undergrad in 2012 I was wondering how to maintain my magical development and what would all this lead to.
Since I started prepping this blog almost a month and a half has passed and things have changed as I have been given working hours in college as a tutor.