Like many male witches I came to the Craft during a time of personal exploration and discovery one element was most profundly evident to myself and others around me in the form of my sexuality. In fact, I came out as a gay man before I came out as a witch or Wiccan and would remain so for a few years to follow. I didn’t come into the Craft seeking a place to be gay or to explore my sexuality because I was feeling rejected by mainsteam society. I came because I was seeking a new spirituality, one in which was less dogmatic or at least without so much red-tape tying the seeker in knots. I enjoyed how Wicca had it’s core beliefs and practices yet retained some measure of freedom to personally express oneself, many will disagree with this sentiment.
I was in a roundabout way initiated into the Craft through another gay friend of mine. He embodied the freedom I craved and the willingness not to be held back. He came out at school as Third Year was finishing and I was still hiding waiting to confirm everything I was feeling inwardly. With Adam’s presence in my life I made the leap of faith and spoke to him. We realised that each had an interest in the Craft as well as being gay. This shared interest helped to create a bond. Even as we kept some defences up and we started to explore our sexuality I was still learning about the Craft and without knowing it energies.
All too soon things with Adam and I altered as we grew apart. I tend to look back at this moment as one in which I had recieved a stepping stone into the world of modern witchcraft and magick and now I needed to learn to stand on my own. Basically assert my own desire to progress further on this Path o’mine. Adam would leave me with one more lesson to learn about the use of magick particularly on negative workings. Adam and I handled things badly, clearly the emotions raised had it’s effects on both of us but being hurt I focused on my own pain cursing him under my breath. I regretted this immediately and told myself it was just a matter of expressing my anger. I hadn’t done much spellwork prior to this but the ensuring months would illuminate some much needed lessons.
A few months down the line and some further mistakes made in my personal life later and I’m not feeling any better about Adam either. I can be quite stubborn when I want to be. I remember walking into a local health food shop and spotting a new addition to the shop’s stands, some books. Only one title struck any form of interest and that was Witch: A Personal Journey by Fiona Horne. When I got home and opened the book what was the first page I opened it on? Thats right the chapter titled, “Bitchcraft”, it was all about hexes. I swear there must have been a crease in the spine because I was flicking through really but something the author said gave me pause for thought. In the book she suggested a rather practical reason for not cursing someone which was simply by nature of energy one ties themselves into the object or person they seek to curse. In review this explained why I kept seeing Adam everywhere when I really didn’t want to see him anywhere.
I now had a context for the Rule of Three I kept hearing about. I would later hear how when you point one finger three are pointing back. And it certainly felt like I was constantly living over the episode where we hurt one another. I realised that it wasn’t Adam keeping me in this state of mind but myself. Now was the time to listen to my inner stirrings and seek out a new emotional equiblibrium and undo the harm I had done. Through much introspection I began to undo the curse and introduce some healing for both myself and Adam. It was at this point I felt ready to dedicate myself to the Path of Wicca.
Over time in my studies of the Craft I have come to look more and more into energy-work as I re-discovered abilities in myself that through the Craft had names for. While at the same time meeting more and more GLBT people. One of the afore mentioned abilities was empathy and sensing people’s auras or energy-fields. I started to notice, not from spying or anything like that, that quite a lot of people share a lot of links with similar people. Most were in social groups and friends and seemed to my mind to be a rather negative influences as people just didn’t seem to know how to cope with the connections, I doubt many were even aware of them. I wasn’t in a position to share or comment and found myself intuitively working nightclubs for energy trying to help people manage these influences.
After this, and upon meeting another sensitive friend of mine also a gay man, I began to review my own energies. While I was and continue to have psychic intuitions or insights into people around me some people I had very little physical contact with but had slept with seemed to be very prominent on my mind. I would also seem to attract people that were hurting as well.
I would later learn of something called ‘The Tinted Sphere’. The Tinted Sphere comes to me via the Sinti Tradition and my best friend. In it the empathic person percieves a sort of group emotional mindset rather than an individual’s emotional or physical condition. I’ve been meaning to clarify some details of the Sinti understanding of the Tinted Sphere and will as always endeavour to work to develop this. For the purposes of this blog entry it strikes me as almost like an unhealthy current for those familiar with ceremonialism, activities such as recreational drugs particularly when taken to extremity, underage sex particularly when manipulation or control have been present, unsafe sex, all of which can in certain circumstances negatively affect the individual. As such while I don’t frequent nightclubs as much and spend the night working the energies of the room I do listen to the Silent Whispers of those present and offer an “ear” and when the occassion calls and presents itself a candle for them. I also promote healthy activities for members of the community who are GLBT orientated such as resources for sexual health and if I have them resources for counselling, in the end sometimes an acknowledgement of their being in that moment.
The reason I called this The Modern Gay Man’s Mysteries is simply because I’m still learning and discovering things about myself and how I react or interact with the world around me. Its all a mystery to me. I hope that by blogging about this perhaps other people with similar stories or unique insights may come and review this entry and add to the discovery perhaps a dialogue will be mutually benefiticial.